Don't let your Ki pass by

It's simple, all I will try to do here is document the thoughts, ideas, or even quotes that I learn on the way to a happier me. Ki is the energy that will help me find that way.

Today I made a decision - instead of trying to find myself, as I have been trying to do for a long time, I will let myself BE instead, I will free myself from a burden of choice. I am not going to try to find my niche anymore, a potential job that I would love, or a business idea... Because I just realised that by doing it, I would actually make my life limited, close-ended and boring. I am anything but boring, and I don't want to end up going against my own nature.


So, there is an idea - I am a woman, why don't I try to explore that? Why look any further, if I know I am not yet fully realised in that department? What does it mean? At least, what does it mean for me? Why living in three different countries to date, I realise that women around the world are so different, yet so similar. Why growing up in US made me believe that I can be like a man and I am ok with that? Why looking at my Russian sisters I see that they are not like men at all and they are happy? Why are they so beautiful and wearing dresses and skirts every day, and I am the one opening doors for them and carrying their bags, while not even owning any skirts that fit me anymore? Why did I choose this way? Why does my husband think it is how it's supposed to be? Will my two sons also find strong women like me who will boss them around? Will my daughter become successful in her career, and put her kids into daycare when they are 2.5 months old, because making money is more important? And why can't I remember the last time I went to a hairdresser? WHY?

These are just a few questions that I have yet to find the answers to. So, let me just start this journey by saying that I am ready. I am ready to become more feminine and I am ready to spend my valuable time and energy to learn about what I really am, and what I am really made of. I am ready to listen to many different lectures of people who studying femininity and muscularity. Particularly, I am interested in Russian psychology, because the differences between men and women are not yet as strongly suppressed as in US. So, knowing that my believes are very different as of right now, I would like to really rock them and see what happens. I am ready to admit that sometimes I am not right, and if I am not there doing things the right way, the world is not going to end.

So, let this journey begin, and let this girl remember what it is to be a girl again.
<3