I need to set some goals for myself, so I can stay on track. Just short-term, nothing serious...
1) Every time I hear an interesting thought or an idea, I will write it here, so I can look back and remember it.
2) I will listen to some lectures without judgement to understand how far away I am from the concept of femininity and how other people perceive it. I don't bond myself with the following list of people, but I have their names to start with:
- Olga Valyaeva
- Ruslan Narushevich
- Satya Das
- Michelle Miller (youtube)
3) I will say yes to my husband more often and try to trust his decisions, even if they don't seem rational right away.
4) I will spend more time with my kids, instead of cleaning the house - which means I need to find a cleaning lady NOW!
5) I will buy a skirt or a dress every time I am going to shop for myself.
6) I will discover more healthy meals for the family.
7) I need to decide how I want to present this blog and to whom.
OK, I think if I try to take small steps towards the above, it will already make a difference. I will document it here, if it is noticeable.
I feel like it's going to be a difficult project, because I know how deep my values are embedded, but I need to get through to myself in order to change anything. You know I have been living this way for years, I have been known as a strong woman, who can really do anything in life if she wants to. I have been called strong, ambitious, even bossy, I have even been told that some of my relatives are afraid of me, because I am so determined, dedicated and strong-willed that my opinion is rarely lightly taken. Of course, I laugh at it, thinking that whatever those people think, I am just a normal woman... But do I know what that means?
I have always thought that women and men need to be equal. Well, at least for that fact that I am not even a little bit less intelligent than they are. I have always had more guyfriends than girlfriends. I have chosen a profession (Actuary) that is more intellectual, which of course is considered to be better suited for men, so it's actually normal that I mostly work with or around men. I have never openly accepted the very strong differences between men and women until now. And now is simply because I am tired. I am tired proving to all these men that I am like them or kind of like them or as close as possible to them, why don't they try proving me that they are more like me - a woman, for cake's sake? Why is it so bad to be a woman? Why is it bad to be weaker? To be less ambitious? To be more emotional? To be more compassionate? To be less result-oriented? To be more experience-oriented? Why?
And again - questions... I need to find the answers, and now I am thinking... - there is no reasons why I should not love to be a woman! You see, I am a mother, and I love to spend time with my kids, I love to sew, and to knit, and to crochet, and I love flowers, and I love pink and shiny, and I love putting make-up on, and buying that make-up. I also love when I look pretty and when someone notices it, and I love taking care of people, and giving gifts. Oh, and the babies... There are no words to express how I love the whole life-making process from the beginning to the end...
Anyway, I will stop here for now. I am just exploring... just trying to dig deeper than I ever did...
Let me just try...
<3
1) Every time I hear an interesting thought or an idea, I will write it here, so I can look back and remember it.
2) I will listen to some lectures without judgement to understand how far away I am from the concept of femininity and how other people perceive it. I don't bond myself with the following list of people, but I have their names to start with:
- Olga Valyaeva
- Ruslan Narushevich
- Satya Das
- Michelle Miller (youtube)
3) I will say yes to my husband more often and try to trust his decisions, even if they don't seem rational right away.
4) I will spend more time with my kids, instead of cleaning the house - which means I need to find a cleaning lady NOW!
5) I will buy a skirt or a dress every time I am going to shop for myself.
6) I will discover more healthy meals for the family.
7) I need to decide how I want to present this blog and to whom.
OK, I think if I try to take small steps towards the above, it will already make a difference. I will document it here, if it is noticeable.
I feel like it's going to be a difficult project, because I know how deep my values are embedded, but I need to get through to myself in order to change anything. You know I have been living this way for years, I have been known as a strong woman, who can really do anything in life if she wants to. I have been called strong, ambitious, even bossy, I have even been told that some of my relatives are afraid of me, because I am so determined, dedicated and strong-willed that my opinion is rarely lightly taken. Of course, I laugh at it, thinking that whatever those people think, I am just a normal woman... But do I know what that means?
I have always thought that women and men need to be equal. Well, at least for that fact that I am not even a little bit less intelligent than they are. I have always had more guyfriends than girlfriends. I have chosen a profession (Actuary) that is more intellectual, which of course is considered to be better suited for men, so it's actually normal that I mostly work with or around men. I have never openly accepted the very strong differences between men and women until now. And now is simply because I am tired. I am tired proving to all these men that I am like them or kind of like them or as close as possible to them, why don't they try proving me that they are more like me - a woman, for cake's sake? Why is it so bad to be a woman? Why is it bad to be weaker? To be less ambitious? To be more emotional? To be more compassionate? To be less result-oriented? To be more experience-oriented? Why?
And again - questions... I need to find the answers, and now I am thinking... - there is no reasons why I should not love to be a woman! You see, I am a mother, and I love to spend time with my kids, I love to sew, and to knit, and to crochet, and I love flowers, and I love pink and shiny, and I love putting make-up on, and buying that make-up. I also love when I look pretty and when someone notices it, and I love taking care of people, and giving gifts. Oh, and the babies... There are no words to express how I love the whole life-making process from the beginning to the end...
Anyway, I will stop here for now. I am just exploring... just trying to dig deeper than I ever did...
Let me just try...
<3
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